yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
