I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
