It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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