So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
pray to the hookup gods
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
