Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
