Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize