I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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