so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
