were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
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