Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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