Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
