are you still at the devil's house?
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
