Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Two words: blizzard sex
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
