You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
