You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
