garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
