dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
