youre lurking in front of me
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
