I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
