i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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