Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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