I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
