the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
