Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
