Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
