did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
