I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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