i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
