Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
