i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize