You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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