I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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