I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
