I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
