You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Randomize