we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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