I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
