so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
