I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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