He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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