Moan for me like Helen Keller
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
i think we sleep fucked last night...
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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