Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
