I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
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