Your favorite bartender is back from prision
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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