I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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