Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
