you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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