i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
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