I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
