If i come over, it means nothing
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize