How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
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