a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
