dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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