So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
