she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
