the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
