Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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