He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
