Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
one might say we're banned from that church
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
