I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
