We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
