And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
