I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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