He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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