shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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