i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
