Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize