garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
