she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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