Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize