The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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