In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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