I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
