A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
