just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
