i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize