Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
