so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
