I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
