He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
