...so i touched it.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Is it penis luge time yet?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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